Monday, December 26, 2005

my muse patterns

it's been a crazy crazy couple of days; between being ill, working ridiculous hours and trying to get everything done in time; my muse has been around real often and i have this long list of ideas i need to get down. i cannot wait...why is it that when i have a couple of hours to spare, my muse is always on vacation?

Post Earthquake Pakistan: An Insider's Perspective

A lot of us abroad have tried, in our best capacity, to participate in helping our country and its people move on after the earthquake. We have collected funds, both in cash and in kind, written articles, made the world aware of our country's loss and the lives destroyed. Whatever we do, I don't think we'll ever have done enough.

Sharmeen Obaid Chinoy held a vigil in downtown Toronto for our Pakistani kinsmen: everyone in the city talked about the devastation. They tried to understand our pain. She took it a step further; she is currently volunteering as a translator in the earthquake affected areas and is keeping a day-to-day journal on her take of events. It's a definite must-read.

Monday, December 19, 2005

the fabric of life

yesterday, a strange thing happened. for the first time in my life, i was very close to giving up; giving up on something that was most important to me. at the time, i didn't think much about it; i just felt like walking out, like letting go, like moving on.
i don't know why i didnt, but i didn't give up. i decided to hang on to the very last thread and giving it another shot. they say life is a fabric composed of different threads we sew together. well, if i said i, as a person was a fabric, then this was the needle i had chosen to help sew my life. i'm glad i didn't discard the needle, even though it was close to being blunt. perhaps, you need the needle to become blunt to shake your life into perspective. maybe it's god's way of jolting you back into reality, of re-examining your decisions and yourself. it's really hard to come to the realisation that one of the threads in the fabric called you, needs to be pulled out, or, sewn in a different colour. sometimes, it's not even about the threads, but about allowing the fabric to be draped on differently.

today, i realised, it's not about my threads; the colours are great and the design, in its absurd fashion, works just the way it is. ..sometimes it doesn't have to be about my fabric, or my threads... it's just about not giving up...just for now...

dubai - i miss:

- the sun, sand, sea, shawarmahs & shopping
- the white sand beaches
- the hatta caves
- sitting on the rocks beyond the pier at the jumeirah beach and bonding with my best friends (s, a & z)
- celebrating birthdays at johnny rockets
- spending nyeve on the beach reflecting on our year's ups and downs
- walking in the heat to get a shawarmah
- the spice souq in deira
- taking a dhow ride on the dubai creek
- walking home from school on sunday after math
- a saturday morning spent at the dubai arts centre
- a book reading at the british council
- a cup of chai, turkey sandwich and a relaxing evening spent with the doc at shakespeare cafe
- exercising my car's need for speed on sh. zayed road
- our annual beach camp on jebel ali beach (even when i got stung by a jelly fish)
- sharing those 10 mins with my dad on my way to school
- my organ
- the dubai ballet centre
- the cheesecake factory
- creative-storming with a & s
- being understood
- missisippi mud at baskins
- mango, riverisland & assecorize at the deira city centre
- our annual trips to the hatta resort
- biking with s
- the sun, the sun, did i mention, the sun?

Thursday, December 08, 2005

happy birthday muppet

thanks you..

you have been:
- my pillar of strength
- my anchor of support
- my shoulder to cry on
- my partner in crime
- my alarm clock
- my plan B, C, D, E and F
- my migraine-curer
- my shopoholic pill
- my 'all men are ********' companion (that was soooooo long ago!)
- my econ-nut: our life can be coherently explained by looking at the J-curve effect
- the crazzeee person who encouraged our walks to get coffee cake when it was pouring
- my earl-grey chai partner (i really really miss our 5-min chai breaks)
- my critic
- my jolt into harsh reality
- my food-testing partner (remember the cheese jalapenos at xananas? and the 27th spoon?)

you have made my life:
- finger-lickin' fun
- exziting
- crazzzeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
- a tad bit scary (think about marx, jeffy, aristotle)
- exhilirating
but most importantly, you've made it 'real'...and for that i thanks you

as you celebrate on the 'wrong' side of the atlantic, and i'm stuck giving exams on the right side, i hope you enjoy a birthday full of *twinkle-sparkle-glitter*. love ya lots.

ps: i do have better pics of us but this is the only one on my laptop (yes i formatted my laptop yet again and my backup files are...hmmm...oh gosh ;)

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

you know

you love your work when you get lost in it, only to find yourself again...rejuvenated and full of new ideas..

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

what is love?

is it:

- camping out together under the stars?
- waiting up until he/she comes home?
- staying up with him/her and holding her hand while he/she is sick?
- a smile lighting up your face at the thought of him/her?
- making him/her a candle-light dinner after a long day's work?
- saving the best part of the roast (even though it's your favourite) for him/her, because he/she loves it too?
- tolerating a pet peeve you have, just because he/she forgets occasionally that it bothers you to death?
- keeping a smile on your face, just because you have to publicly, even though the other is breaking inside?
- crying with the shower on (because something's upset you) but you don't want it to worry the other person? (from The Raincoat)
- not nagging?
- staying up with the person when he/she has to work late?
- snuggling up with the person on a cold winter day/night?
- having faith in your relationship even when you don't understand why things are shaping out the way they are?
- loving the person even when you don't understand them?
- when he/she murmurs your name?
- giving the umbrella to him/her on a rainy day?
- 'the' indescribable spark that gives you butterflies in your stomach?
- what makes you feel like a kid again?
- rediscovering the world through his/her eyes?
- loving someone because they make you a better person?
- loving someone because they will keep the last piece of chocolate just for you, even if they're tempted to eat it themselves? (*my favourite*)
- about making difficult choices?
- about sacrifice & compromise, but what's the limit then?
- about losing yourself in the eyes of another person?

a copy editor's worst nightmare

and normally i would cringe, but today a smile broke out :) especially since the last phrase is something i've already 'cringed-laughed' at while we were in Acapulco this summer.
A Japanese hotel: 'It is forbidden to steal towels please. If you are not person to do such thing please not read notes. You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid'.

A Moscow hotel: 'You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.'

A Rome doctor's office: 'Specialists in women and other diseases.'

A Swiss restaurant menu: 'Our wines leave nothing to hope for.'

A Bangkok dry cleaner's: 'Drop your trousers here for best results.'

A Rhodes tailor shop: 'Order your summer suits. Because of very big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.'

Inside Germany's Black Forest: 'It is strictly forbidden on our camping site that people of different sex, for instance men and women, live together in the tent unless they are married to each other for that purpose.'

A Hong Kong dentist: 'Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.'

A Czech tourist agency: 'Take one of our horse-driven city tours, we guarantee no miscarriages.'

A Swedish furrier: 'Fur coats made for ladies from their skins.'

A detour sign in Kyushu, Japan: 'Stop. Drive sideways.'

A Copenhagen airline office: 'We take your bags and send them in all directions.'

A Budapest zoo: 'Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.'

A Japanese booklet: 'If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.'

And finally a hotel in Acapulco: 'The manager has personally passed all water served here.'

Monday, December 05, 2005

Sunday, December 04, 2005

a nowhere-to-be sunday evening

today is the first sunday in weeks where a and i are not committed to be someplace, and it feels good... after a long day of trying to brainstorm for an article and finishing off my final assignment, i can lounge with my husband in our cozy living space and just do-nothing, which at the moment is watching a good movie, catching up on some reading and munching on yummy greek spanakopitas...

the only thing that's making it less than perfect is the thought of a monday morning..reminds me of the blog jammie wrote last weekend *sigh* how true.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

if only..

“Truth is rarely pure and never simple” Oscar Wilde

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

carpe diem

express your shelf

i re-organized my bookshelf today and made another long wish-list of books. isn't our book shelf another expression of our sense of self and identity?

Saturday, November 19, 2005

crack-a-doodle-do, i love you

i went to a friend's baby shower today. the room was filled with my friends; newly-weds like myself and new moms. it had been a while since we'd all met, the last time was at my bridal shower. i still remember that fun, summer day; my friends trying to celebrate my last couple of weeks of 'single-dom'.

currently, i'm still gently treading into the bliss of marriage, a new 'phase' in my life. i'm trying to 'truly experience' the experience, blend myself into the process without losing the essence of me and i'm learning how to mix the new with the old, without losing my value for the old. it's not easy, but with every day and little more experience, it gets easier.

at every new phase of my life, i go through this whole new process of renewal, rejuvenation and settling in. along with girlfriends, we celebrate our new chapter in life with a party, a shower, a get-together; our way of saying "good for you girl - we'll always be there for you"

as i progress along the phase, i forget the baby steps i've taken at the beginning, infact i tend to forget the commencement of that phase totally, as it seems to blend it with something new. however, with this magical phase in my life, where i see the world with another set of eyes and i have another set of hands hold me and supporting me as i go through, i want to hold on to every breath, every touch, every wish, every moment, every tear and every smile.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

house, my home and i

i've been trying hard to make sense of the chaos in my life... my career, my academics, my emotional life and inevitably my financial's not been easy...everytime i think it's falling into place, something or someone, decides to give it a bit of an unwelcome shake...

it's a contradiction of feelings really... a and i have finally settled into our own place, made an apt a home, or something like it... over the last couple of months, the place has taken on our smell and our accents, it's been moulded by our moodiness and manic re-decorate sessions, anxious at first, we made it ours - it became us.

and now, we might have to move again. i'm not too sure why. i was given an optoin and we talked it over and i was excited, i still am. but deep down, a small part of my heart, is anxious yet again. and it makes me wonder why?

well i guess, i'll just have to spring clean my home a couple of months earlier and learn to take our smell, our accents and our moodiness where ever we go...

Monday, November 14, 2005

happiness headache

i suffer from's not a very pleasant experience..i try to describe it to those around me who try to understand why - why i shut the lights off, shy away from noise, switch my cell off, snuggle into bed and isolate myself from the world... once in a month i write off a day because of this...

i watched oprah winfrey's 20th anniversary show today.. i learn something every time i watch it, about interviewing, about life, about risks and about pushing the limits a little bit more every time around. today she shared her feelings about meeting her mentors and how at the end of it, her head pounded with 'happiness'.

other than migraines, i also suffer from headaches.. when i've had a crazy but fun weekend, spending time with friends and family and catching up on stuff i've wanted to do, occassionally, my head pounds..i've never understood why..i've done what i enjoyed and spent time with people i loved..

happiness headache? maybe.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Oriah Mountain Dreamer, from the book The Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring
your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the center of
your own sorrow

if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your
fingers and toes without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling
me is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another

to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
It doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

a vicious circle?

if life is about choices and fate, then whatever choices we make, must lead us to somewhat a similar fate...

or else, we're fated to make the choices we do (as my crazy friend said)

so then, is it that we make the choices and god just picks the time to make our choices happen so that they concur with our pre-destined fate?


a city in a globe
if i could put every moment, every wish, every whisper, every drop of rain, every tear, every smile, into my glass globe and take it with me wherever i go

chicago skyline ~ nov 5 05 ~ [n.z]

what if?

- i had chosen a different path in life

- i had picked another university

- i had not gone on exchange

- i had not gotten married

- i had coloured my hair blue

- i had gotten wet in the rain just before class

- i order groceries online

- i open the map, pick a place, pack my bags and just take another holiday

- i had a magic wand

- i could read everyone's mind

- i danced like no one was watching

they say what ifs are pondered over when you regret things in you life. i disagree... i think thinking about what could've, would've, should've, makes me, atleast, appreciate my choices and my life...and currently, i'm loving it.

Friday, October 28, 2005

first blob...

my mind is trying to collect it's scattered thoughts as i piece my first 'blob' together... i've been wanting to do this for a while now, but have never really gotten around to it. i guess the summer was busy; i got married to my better half. the fall was even busier - i spent it 'growing up'. yeah, i surprised myself with that one too, but seriously, marriage is a whole new world and i was busy trying to navigate my way around it comfortably - i still haven't mastered it yet (and to be honest, i don't think i ever will) but it's a whole load of fun just trying.

so as the winter gets closer and my wish-list of 'things i want to do' gets longer, i post my first blob.

"The skill of writing is to create a context in which other people can think"
~ Edwin Schlossburg