Art & Fear

 

I am at a stage in my life where I am overwhelmed and over-inspired. I have all these ideas floating around; bumping and slowly crowding the other. I realised today, that I just have to pick one to start and keep going; there's really no other way around it. There's an excellent parable from the book Art & Fear by David Bayles, that I came across in an interview I read recently and I had to share:

 

The ceramics teacher announced on opening day that he was dividing the class into two groups. All those on the left side of the studio, he said, would be graded solely on the quantity of work they produced, all those on the right solely on its quality.

His procedure was simple: on the final day of class he would bring in his bathroom scales and weigh the work of the “quantity” group: fifty pound of pots rated an “A”, forty pounds a “B”, and so on. Those being graded on “quality”, however, needed to produce only one pot—albeit a perfect one—to get an “A”. 

Well, came grading time and a curious fact emerged: the works of highest quality were all produced by the group being graded for quantity. It seems that while the “quantity” group was busily churning out piles of work—and learning from their mistakes—the “quality” group had sat theorizing about perfection, and in the end had little more to show for their efforts than grandiose theories and a pile of dead clay.

Pottery Workshop

A few months ago, a couple of friends and I visit spent a Wednesday evening  at the Gardiner Museum. I had been wanting to try the drop-in clay workshop for a while and finally, enticed by the company of two friends, I ventured downtown on a cold day.

We spent all our time at the potter's wheel, trying to get the right balance between shape and speed. I probably worked with five pieces of clay and ended up with two pieces (both bowls) that I was happy with. I have to admit there is a certain thrill attached to molding something raw and ugly into something beautiful.

I remember feeling a certain frustration at my inability to perfect the piece and I was told by the facilitator that it's all about getting a feel for how the wheel moves and how my hands work against the clay; something that can only be learnt with time and practice. For someone like me, who need short-term gratification ever so often, I really think these workshops allow me to realize the rewards of patience and work accomplished over a longer period of time...

 (images by nisreen halai for the inkpression blog)

JAPAN

When I think of Japan, my heart aches and I am at a loss of words. I am in awe at how the country has coped today and in the past. The Japanese people continue to inspire and therefore, against all odds, there is always hope.

One of my favourite poems that I came across while taking O'level English Literature was James Kirkup's Ghosts, Fire and Water. This poem is based on his impression of the infamous 'Hiroshima Panels' paintings by Iri Maruki and Toshiko Akamatsu (in response to their intense anger at the nuclear bombings). I believe if Japan could recover after the catastrophic tragedy in 1945, it will regain it's strength this time around too.

---------

Ghosts, fire, water
On the Hiroshima panels by Iri Maruki and Toshiko Akamatsu

These are the ghosts of the unwilling dead,
Grey ghosts of that imprinted flash of memory
Whose flaming and eternal instant haunts
The speechless dark with dread and anger.

Grey, out of pale nothingness their agony appears.
Like ash they are blown and blasted on the wind's
Vermilion breathlessness, like shapeless smoke
Their shapes are torn across the paper sky. 

These scarred and ashen ghosts are quick
With pain's unutterable speech, their flame-cracked flesh
Writhes and is heavy as the worms, the bitter dirt;
Lonely as in death they bleed, naked as in birth. 

They greet each other in a ghastly paradise,
These ghosts who cannot come with gifts and flowers.
Here they receive each other with disaster's common love,
Covering one another's pain with shrivelled hands. 

They are not beautiful, yet beauty is in their truth.
There is no easy music in their silent screams,
No ordered dancing in their grief's distracted limbs.
Their shame is ours. We, too, are haunted by their fate. 

In the shock of flame, their tears brand our flesh,
We twist in their furnace, and our scorching throats
Parch for the waters where the cool dead float.
We press our lips upon the river where they drink, and drown. 

Their voices call to us, in pain and indignation:
'This is what you have done to us!'
Their accusation is our final hope. Be comforted.
Yes, we have heard you, ghosts of our indifference, 

We hear your cry, we understand your warnings.
We, too, shall refuse to accept our fate!
Haunt us with the truth of our betrayal
Until the earth's united voices shout refusal, sing your peace! 

Forgive us, that we had to see your passion to remember
What we must never again deny: Love one another. 

London, 1955

Illustration: New Yorker Cover (March 28, 2011) by Christoph Niemann

Happy Weekend!

(via pininterest)

Happy New Year...

One of my resolutions this year was to blog everyday, or almost everyday. I must admit the lateness of this post should not reflect my intention with keeping with my resolution.

Ten years ago, we were waging a war with computers, hoping fervently that our world would not be consumed by the Y2K bug. Over the last decade, the world has engaged in countless wars, killing innocent people. I hope and pray that 2010 brings with it peace and a semblance of hope.

Even though this was a tumultuous decade for the world, it was an exciting and adventurous decade in my life. I lived in three continents, graduated from university, co-edited a book, got married, found a real job, had a baby and moved houses 7 times. This was the decade I lost myself; first in university and then to marriage and then to a baby and then finally found myself. I'd have to say my biggest struggle in the last decade was learning and understanding who I was and being happy with me.

This year was a big year; I think I truly grew up. Over the last decade I struggled to find my passion with work; at times it just seemed easier to give up and just go with the flow. This year, I finally figured out what I was passionate about; my husband said it was in my face the last couple of years, it just took me a while to figure out. And so to embark on this journey, I'm working on my MDes and I haven't been happier.

A and I survived our first year as parents and are tremendously enjoying bringing up a toddler. My husband launched his line of clothing earlier this year and is reveling in the joys and hardships of being a creative entrepreneur.

This year our resolutions are simple; A and I have chosen to pursue our dreams;  live in Europe for a couple of months, backpack around South America, spend endless time with our daughter, sustain our life and livelihood as creative entrepreneurs and to raise funds for a cause.

Here's wishing you and your loved ones a safe and fulfilling 2010!

ps: I'm taking on Jammie's Best-of-2009 blog challenge and should have a list by the end of this month!

(photo by Gemma Gommas, via Design Mom)

Illuminite

 

 

I cannot believe we're approaching the end of this year already. Where did it go? I know I say this almost every year, but really, this year went by really fast!

We took Z to Illuminite yesterday, the annual tree-lighting event at Yonge-Dundas in downtown Toronto. Even though we missed the firethrowers and the laser show, Z enjoyed the walk, the lights and the quiet time with A and I.

 

Z was fascinated by the lights but could not understand why they were not thead (red), her favourite colour. She loved running around the square and all the attention she was getting from passer-bys.

 

We stopped by at Salad King, our favourite Thai-on-the-go place (A and I have never ever enjoyed a meal there together). Z enjoyed herself sans high-chair, with the spoons and the songs that we were asked to sing to her on demand. 

As I was watching A entertain Z, I thought it's so simple really to make a child happy; a little bit of attention, some love, some music and crayons. Z has been a simple child from get-go, as long as kept her away from crowds and put her early to bed, she's been happy. Ofcourse, as a 20-month old, she now loves people (much like her father) and tries to fight off sleep as long as possible. I've definitely been missing my morning time with her on the weekdays but watching her with A, seeing their relationship grow (due to more of him and less of me) makes my heart tingle! I sometimes think it's me and not her, who's having a hard time letting go.

And as promised to Z, we finished the night off with Wanda's Waffles, a tiny Belgian waffle cafe, run by a father and son team.

Such a perfect Saturday night!

This week with Z...

A totally unplanned night-over at grandma's today. And I'm missing Z terribly. I'm so tempted to drive over and pick her up. The only thing stopping me is the possibility that I'll really hurt their feelings and Z's sleep being disturbed. 

I love you Z. I'm so excited I get to spend all day with you tomorrow (my hands-on business session got canceled which worked out really well for me!). You've got an exciting weekend ahead of you...


The 'new-s' this week:
- You learnt how to say pink "penck" and you confuse it with "thead" (red) but you've almost got it nailed
- The first couple of things you say when you wake up in the morning are "udhar jaana amma" (i want to go there mom) and you point to the door that takes us out of the room to the kitchen and you want to "dwaw" and drink "jus".
- You kiss us (aba and amma) on the lips and then squeal with excitement.
- You put your arms around yourself and say huggie (it's the cutest thing ever)
- You get super excited at the thought of wearing your "boots" and jacket. You stand by the door willing it to open so you can run out as soon as you have your outer gear on. You love the chill in the air, so unlike your mom!
- You love pulling you "mins" (clips) out of your hair. Every time you take it out, you run along to give me your "min" so I can put it away.
- When I take you to the bathroom to brush your teeth, you call out to your brush "brushie, brushie, brushie..."
- You hold my cheek when you sleep. 
- You love sitting on the kitchen countertop.
- You want to hear a story (and not from a book) before nap time. You don't like nap time anymore.
- You have started liking you bread sticks dipped in cheese.
- You say "c'est" before everything. C'est brushies, c'est crayon, c'est book, c'est boots, c'est shoes. I know you don't realise it's very french, but i love it :)
- You enjoyed watching the movie No Reservations with me. I enjoyed it more because we watched it together.


I hope tomorrow morning comes soon.
Good night my lovely Z - sleep tight!

Thursday Thought...

                                                                  Toronto Zoo ~ 2009

We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty...

Maya Angelou

Happy Thursday...

 

Z is spending the day at my mom's. And she has such a great time with her nani that I don't feel guilty about leaving her for the ENTIRE day...

I'm so enjoying this day to myself.

I took a walk, despite the cold (it's 4 deg here today). 

I enjoyed a cup of coffee and a good book.  

And I'm so looking forward to the episode of Grey's tonight.

My laundry list is calling out to me but I think I'm going back to enjoying my book for now.

Hope you're having a wonderful Thursday!

eid '09

I love Eid - the traditions, the customs, the family, the friends, the food, the eidhi, the gifts. A and I have always celebrated it with passion, trying to create an atmosphere our parents created for us when we were children. It is very different and to a degree, difficult, given that we grew up in Karachi and Dubai.

Since Z was born last year, A and I have tried to create our own family traditions and so Eid this year was ever more exciting. We started the day by going for prayers at the mosque, followed by breakfast with our friends, lunch with my family and dinner with A's family. A and i both have our families here and we're so blessed that Z can spend her holidays with her loved ones.

EId is also about renewal and rejuvenation of the spirit, a time of reflection and resolution. A and I make a list of resolutions every Eid.

This year, we have promised to:
- to make the most of our time
- to cherish each other
- to celebrate each day with Z
- to pursue our dreams; every moment, each day (if it's not something you love, it's not worth doing)
- to not cancel date night and put our relationship first
- to paint silver lines in the clouds
- to smell the flowers
- to go backpacking this year
- to make things happen
- to see the positive, even in the negative
- to find inspiration in simply living
- to make the ordinary, extraordinary...

                                                 our extraordinary, ordinary walk
 

I hope you had a memorable eid....

a perfect afternoon

a child's imagination

 

magic

 

bubbles

result in an afternoon of bliss...

09.09.09 - happy 9 + 9 my baby z..

dearest z,

i’ve been meaning to blog since the day i felt i had a little baby growing inside me. it was a momentous moment. my body clock changed and i would wake up at 6AM every morning despite the late nights that accompanied us that summer. it was a busy summer; we had just bought a house, gutted the interiors and were working within tight budgets to get it complete. and it was FUN but it was hard, between work, house guests and family. i was consuming 6 cups of coffee on average a day, eating poorly and inhaling all sorts of unhealthy fumes. i was paranoid that i had permanently damaged you.

but you were beautiful and healthy and.. the epitome of perfection. i was not very maternal during my pregnancy and i was worried that those were signs of lack of interest in motherhood, but i promise you, from the moment i lay eyes on you, when i felt you in my arms, i just wanted to mother you forever. and ever. and ever. and nothing else in between.

and today, i celebrate spending the best 18 months of my life. with you. because of you.

i want to thank you for giving my life meaning. for making it real.
you make me want to strive to be the best, in every facet of life
you make my every day worthwhile
you are my sunshine

i love the way you say things – amma, abba, purple, blue, green, dada, dadi, nana, nani, mamo, mimi, wawa, chachi, chacha, apa, aamena, elmo (all one after the other in one breath)..
you try to repeat everything i say and i love the way you pick up atleast 3 new words a day.

what’s this? you want to know what everything is. your curiosity with even the smallest of things fascinates me.

i am so amazed that you are so sensitive and so loving and incredibly thoughtful…
and so to celebrate our 18 months, below are 18 things i absolutely adore about you:

i love your eyes, your cheeks, your hair, your hands, the smell of you, especially when you’ve just woken up…

i love that you love to read

i love that you say hi to every living and non-living thing. hevo flowver, hi jus.

i love that you love animals - that you refer to each animal by the sound they make. for you cow is moo moo, sheep is baa baa and horse is neigh neigh. that you squeal with excitement every time you see the animal, whether it be a picture in the book, at the zoo or on tv.

i love that you are happier outdoors

i love the way you kiss me, hug me and love me – if i could spend each moment of my life just holding you, i would…

i love that you love to get your hands dirty

i love that you like to draw

i love the way way you walk – waddle.

i love your love for music and dance

i love how you, being with you, reminds me of my childhood

i love how you love being with me and at times with no one else (yes, i admit, i am an attached parent!)

i love how you run to me when i come home

i love waking up each day next to you

i love the twinkle in your eye when you are sitting on the swing

i love our everyday walks

i love our silent conversations

i love the person i’ve become because of you

i cannot wait for tomorrow. and the day after. with you
life with you is an adventure. fun. laughter. giggles. love. smiles. excitement. surprise.

i love you. please don't grow up too soon.

yours eternally,
amma